where we're going we don't need titles

I've spent most of my day alone in bed. If I felt more comfortable in my apartment or around my roommates I probably would have ventured out, but I don't so I didn't.

When I first came to check out this apartment it was one of 10 viewings and at least 50 emails in an attempt to find a place in Chicago. I was desperate. Like, didn't pay attention to the dirty dishes in the sink or ask any pertinent questions. I didn't even care that one of the roommates has three cats or that the room I'd be moving into is tiny and without a closet. I just needed out of my sister's place for the sake of our friendship. We're better off not living together.

When I'm home I spend most of my time sitting in bed. This is where I sleep, read, watch Hulu/Netflix, write, and eat. I don't eat at the dining room table because shortly after moving in I noticed the room reeked of cat pee, I then noticed the litter box in the corner. Definitely not going to eat there. I barely cook because the cats walk all over the counters and tabletops, and that kind of thing grosses me out. I found out 5 or 6 months after moving in that they were feral.

So I stay in my room, where I'm comfortable.

I haven't had an unscheduled day in what feels like months, and today felt simultaneously decadent and shameful. Putting on a bra to go sit on the porch was the most productive thing I did. At one point I napped just because my eyelids felt heavy. I watched two movies and three episodes of Pretty Little Liars on Netflix, and I'm boring myself writing this.

I'm really good at living in small places. I find places for everything, and it makes me want to purge my belongings. I hate having things that are of no use to me, but I also hate throwing things away. I'd rather give them away. I bought new towels two months ago and haven't gotten rid of the old ones yet (no one person needs seven towels) because I wanted to find a decent animal shelter to give them to. There is a pile of old clothes and shoes under an end table waiting to be given away. I think I know where those will go but being lazy is beating out the precious floor space they're taking up.

I have a fair amount of artwork/chatchis that many people might find pointless or useless, but they amuse me and therefore have value. There's the print of Abe Lincoln riding a T-Rex; a faux scrimshaw with The Brunswick on one side and Admiral Howe on the other; a model of America, the ship that won the first America's Cup; a photograph of a baby monkey running. That's just what I decided to keep in my room, there's more in our storage area.

I'm really looking forward to moving out, but I hate moving and I know I won't be able to afford the area or place I'd like to live in. Getting to my friends takes forever now and I'll need to move farther north. I before I moved here I always joked about how ridiculous it is that people don't like to travel outside of their neighborhoods much especially since public transit is so easy. It is easy, but it takes forever. I'd rather use that time doing more important things, like sit on my bed for twelve hours watching Netflix and napping.