proper fucked by an asshole

I'm just going to start writing and see what happens.

I much prefer saying "y'all" instead of "you guys" or whatever else people might say. I also eschew "pop" in favor of a more palatable "soda". I have a tendency to dislike 75% of the things that identify me as "Someone Who Was Raised In Michigan," to the point where I intentionally and systematically altered my vernacular in college. Some of it goes beyond feeling superior to my old stomping grounds, I hate "pop" because who wants to drink an onomatopoeia? Not me.

I'm far too old to be pushing away my roots. Part of me accepts it, another part of me remembers how  uncomfortable I felt there. Like I was constantly in Ms. Trunchbull's nail-filled locker. Although that wasn't something I fully realized until the first time I went back - and I didn't move that far away! I was so excited to see friends, hang out before Thanksgiving, and almost everything felt off. People were behaving in really odd ways. It felt immature, short-sighted, and boring. And that gave me a sad. Pow! Right in the feels. I don't know why I wrote it like that, but I'm going to keep it.

I regularly talk shit about one of my coworkers because he tends to use flowery language unnecessarily, and while I love words, and learning more of this language, I like to keep things simple. I just read over what I've written so far and realized that I sound a bit like a pretentious asshole. I'm kind of a pretentious asshole though, or at least I come across like one more often than I'd like. The word "pretentious" bothers me because I'm not pretending to be something or someone I'm not. I'm fine with people thinking I'm an asshole from time to time, we all take our turns.

Speaking of assholes, two fucked me (and five other people) over today. For those of you not in the know (and if there are other sailors in this group, please raise your hand) when you fly a spinnaker (the really big colorful sail) it needs to be done just right. Most things on sailboats need to be done just right, thus "ship-shape" and also a major reason why I love it. Well, something happened when we were doing a maneuver with the spinnaker and it twisted on itself multiple times. This is politely known as an "hourglass" but I was taught that it's called an asshole. No one wants an asshole. Assholes slow you down, make you drop out of races, and in certain situations, cost a shit ton of money.

We had two races today and an asshole each time. We had to withdraw from one race because it was so bad (sail in the water, lost a lot of time) and we finished in last place because of the other. My friend was in another regatta, saw us from afar (it's easy to spot a giant, colorful sail in a knot) and commented to his crew about how we were proper fucked. We were beyond proper fucked, we were dead in the water.

My friends tell me that this kind of stuff happens, everyone has bad days, everyone has been proper fucked by an asshole, but I'm still kinda bitter about it.