xotap

Tomorrow is my best friend's 30th birthday. I have a tier of best friends, but he's been up there and very consistent for almost 12 years now, so he's extra super duper special. 

Until he moved to DC We were always there for each other's birthdays. But his then girlfriend, now fiancé, moved to DC and it made sense for him to follow, especially since he's a government kind of dude. Anyway, he's going to be 30 and I'm not going to be there. I feel simultaneously guilty and jealous. He would think that's silly, but that's the truth. 

We met freshman year at band camp, he was wearing an oversized tshirt with Seinfeld on it. He looks like Seinfeld so I thought he was the biggest dork ever. I was right, he was, but we became friends. And we are weird mother fuckers. 

Most people wouldn't ever understand our friendship, many people don't. We lost our virginity to each other. Every ex-boyfriend I've ever had hates this fact. One was convinced D was in love with me, and that's the only reason we were still friends. One guy convinced himself that D was gay (most definitely not) and would randomly sputter out bits about how he'd like to take away something D loved to get back at him (this boyfriend came into my life 8 years after the second time D and I ever had sex making his comments all the more ridiculous). Another guy practically ran from the table when he found out. 

D hasn't had any of these problems with his girlfriends. They all always knew, too. Everyone knows. My moms know. Sister. Probably even my brother. Everyone in our friend group, so whenever I date a guy, he has to eventually know. And they all hate it. At least so far. I have to marry the first guy who doesn't flip out over this. Either the fact that I lost my virginity to a guy who is still my platonic best friend, or the fact that I lost my virginity to someone without a romantic relationship. That really freaks guys out. Not women. Women are fine with it, men aren't. There's a feminist statement in there somewhere. 

I have a hard time describing our friendship in a way that doesn’t make me fear judgement. We’re both very into discussing sex and sexuality, and not just in some weird crass, juvenile way (although we’ve definitely done that too). We have the frankest discussions about sex that I’ve ever had, and the sociological impacts of sex and sexuality is by far my favorite conversation. Especially when it can be done in a non-creepy way. Unfortunately someone usually gets creeped out. D and I don’t have this problem. 

This is all a very long winded way to say that I miss my best friend and I wish I could be there to celebrate his 30th birthday. Maybe I’ll be able to make it out for his 31st. Who knows. 

Fuck, that was only 498 words. Now I’ve hit 500+. Phew.